First, my sincerest apologies for writing a whiny blog today. But they’re all ganging up on me, and so I thought the best way to get rid of them is to air them out in the open light of day. And you know the old saying, misery loves company…I’m sure I’m not the only one with whines to write about.
1. My first whine is about the window shade in the bedroom where I sleep when we’re in Montreal, which is often enough to warrant a whine. This stupid blind is the first thing I have to deal with early in the morning and the last thing late at night, and sometimes throughout the day whenever I want to change, because, well, because I’m shy about dressing in front of an open window that looks out on lots of other open windows, okay?
So, okay, I didn’t get to be 57 years old without learning how to open and close a window shade. Usually a good swift jerk on the bottom will do, right? Not this one. I swear that this particular blind KNOWS when it’s me trying to open it (but I’m not paranoid!). Nothing I do works. I jerk, I tug, I cajole, I plead, I scream, I weep (yes, I’ve even cried in sheer frustration over this)…still the only direction that darn shade insists on going is down. One morning, I did everything everyone’s ever told me to do to open it, refusing to give up, and ended up pulling the shade right down as far as it could go. Terrified (or maybe secretly hoping?) that I had broken it, I gave up, sat on the bed and had a silly old cry, then trudged wearily all the way down two flights of stairs to ask hubby to help. He came up, gave one quick jerk, and voila, the shade snapped open. GRRRRRRRR.
Believe me, I’ve tried to emulate hubby’s quick jerk, and I’ve even read “how-to” instructions online, and still cannot get that darn shade to open. At night we sleep with the shade open to allow the cool air into the room. Hubby goes to bed before I do, and has to remember to open the shade before he falls asleep, because I refuse now to do battle with that thing just before I go to bed.
Why, why, why??!! Like I said, I swear that shade is out to get me. But I’m NOT paranoid!!
Whine 2: Why did hubby spray the hornets with black spray paint instead of the wasp spray? I can understand the first time. They surprised him when he made a reconnaissance trek around the back of the shed, and he grabbed the nearest weapon, which happened to be an old can of black spray paint. But after that first encounter, he KNEW they were there. So when he ventured back into that corner of the yard (we still can’t get an answer to the “why” of THAT one), why didn’t he grab the WASP spray on his way? Instead, he got stung by furious black-spray-painted hornets. Duh. (Should I mention that he reached again for the spray paint and gave them another blast of black? And that he got stung AGAIN the third time he went back there? Double-duh.)
3. And why does hubby use expensive chopping knives as screwdrivers?
I think I should buy him one of these. It’s a $1,500 Swiss Army Knife. At almost 10 inches wide and with a 2-pound heft, it has 87 fold-out tools, including locking blades, files, a corkscrew, pliers, screwdrivers. . . and just about every other Swiss Army implement you can imagine. I wonder if it will fit in hubby’s pocket.
Whine #4 comes after many days of searching every store for my favourite hand soap, only to find out that it’s been discontinued. Why do companies do that? They lure me in with expensive advertisements, get me hooked on a product to the point where I swear I can’t live without it, then abruptly, without warning, discontinue that product. Oh, I know the whole marketing scheme…what doesn’t sell gets pulled…everything comes down to money and having to use valuable shelf space (they actually call it “real estate”, don’t they now?) for the stuff that sells.
But still, it’s darn frustrating – and perhaps somewhat humiliating too, if you think about it – to get so hooked on a soap or a sauce that I’m having to write letters, begging, offering up my first-born (which is a safe offer because I don’t have one), weeping big blotchy dribbles all over my letters (which is why letters are so much more satisfactory than emails in this situation) and using all of my writing skills to create a sob story that will soften even the hardest CEO’s heart…PLEEEEEZEEEE give me back my soap (or sauce, or soup, whatever). In the good old days, a letter like that would get me at least a good coupon, sometimes even a sample of something they deem better than the product I’m whining about losing. Nowadays, nothing, not even an insincere apology. It’s enough to make me very wary about being brand-loyal anymore. And certainly enough to make me think twice about getting attached to any one product, because now I know that eventually, if someone out there finds out how much I like it, they’ll find a way to discontinue it. But I swear, I’m not paranoid.
5. My last whine today is about whining. Why do I whine? I have so much, and have seen firsthand how so many have so little. I have a roof over my head and a comfortable bed to sleep in and a window to open, close and look out of – I know many who have dirt floors, holes in their roofs and no glass in their windows – which allows for lots of mosquitoes and other assorted creepy-crawlies to come visiting late at night! I have a garden with a shed and lots of tomatoes and various other veggies and flowers growing in happy profusion – I know many who are very hungry as we speak and can only imagine what a garden, or green grass looks like. I have a bathroom stocked full of various bath oils, shower gels, pretty-smelling hand soaps, and a pantry full of enough soups and sauces to feed the entire neighbourhood for six months if we ever have an emergency situation to deal with – I know many who have no bathroom, no toilet paper, no soap, no pantry and will have barely enough food to get through to the end of this day.
I got my little whine out, now it’s time to go and do something constructive and good for someone else to express and celebrate my gratitude for all the blessings and goodness in my life this morning. Even a temperamental window shade that won’t budge.
Copyright © Sharon C. Matthies, Meanderings (blog), 2012. All rights reserved.