I was going to blog about Father’s Day, but it’s still difficult. Too sad. I still miss my Dad so much and when I delve too deeply into those wondrous memories, they just make me cry too much. I cry for the wonderful memories, and I cry for the many missed opportunities…for all the birthdays and Fathers’ Days when I couldn’t get home to celebrate with him. Now I have all the time in the world, but he’s not here…that makes me terribly sad.
Oh that we could have known then what we know now:
How precious that time is, but we don’t realize it at the time.
How much his laughter will echo through our hearts for the rest of our lives, long long after he’s gone. Sometimes it will bring joy and a smile, sometimes it will bring longing and tears. Always it will bring our hearts and minds back to those moments and make us wish we could be back there again to hear him laugh just one more time.
How the smell of his cigar will forever haunt us and create such yearnings in us whenever we smell it again.
How lucky we were to have such a wonderful father, because when we grow older we will find out that so many other children were not as lucky.
How the little things become the big things, how little seemingly insignificant morsels of time and presence become engraved on our hearts as the most important moments of all time.
How his favourite foods become mine too. I just wish he had told us the secret ingredient in his world-famous BBQ hamburgers…
How the memory of those long walks together become such beacons of joy and gladness in the midst of sorrow and grief.
How every memory of every moment that we spent with him brings sharp jabs of pain when we realize we could have had more, if only…
How much we would wish to go back and hug him more, thank him more, cherish him more.
How much we would give just to have one more day, one more hour, one more hug.
How much Father’s Day will hurt after he’s gone…why didn’t we know that at the time? Why don’t some fathers’ children know it now? How do we take them and shake them and tell them what we know now that we didn’t know then – what they don’t know now and will forever wish they had known?!
Yes, it’s a painful day for some of us. A painful day for children who no longer have their fathers, and a painful day for fathers who won’t hear from their children today.
But I am so very very grateful that I had my Dad for the 44 years that I did, and I will always be grateful for the wonderful life he gave his children and the beautiful memories he left behind in his only daughter. Thank you Daddy.
The greatest gift I ever had came from God.I call him Dad.Copyright © Sharon C. Matthies, Meanderings Blogging The Journey, 2012. All rights reserved.