Father’s Day Jottings

I was going to blog about Father’s Day, but it’s still difficult. Too sad. I still miss my Dad so much and when I delve too deeply into those wondrous memories, they just make me cry too much. I cry for the wonderful memories, and I cry for the many missed opportunities…for all the birthdays and Fathers’ Days when I couldn’t get home to celebrate with him. Now I have all the time in the world, but he’s not here…that makes me terribly sad.

Oh that we could have known then what we know now:

How precious that time is, but we don’t realize it at the time.

How much his laughter will echo through our hearts for the rest of our lives, long long after he’s gone. Sometimes it will bring joy and a smile, sometimes it will bring longing and tears. Always it will bring our hearts and minds back to those moments and make us wish we could be back there again to hear him laugh just one more time.

How the smell of his cigar will forever haunt us and create such yearnings in us whenever we smell it again.

How lucky we were to have such a wonderful father, because when we grow older we will find out that so many other children were not as lucky.

How the little things become the big things, how little seemingly insignificant morsels of time and presence become engraved on our hearts as the most important moments of all time.

How his favourite foods become mine too. I just wish he had told us the secret ingredient in his world-famous BBQ hamburgers…

How the memory of those long walks together become such beacons of joy and gladness in the midst of sorrow and grief.

How every memory of every moment that we spent with him brings sharp jabs of pain when we realize we could have had more, if only…

How much we would wish to go back and hug him more, thank him more, cherish him more.

How much we would give just to have one more day, one more hour, one more hug.

How much Father’s Day will hurt after he’s gone…why didn’t we know that at the time? Why don’t some fathers’ children know it now? How do we take them and shake them and tell them what we know now that we didn’t know then – what they don’t know now and will forever wish they had known?!

Yes, it’s a painful day for some of us. A painful day for children who no longer have their fathers, and a painful day for fathers who won’t hear from their children today.

But I am so very very grateful that I had my Dad for the 44 years that I did, and I will always be grateful for the wonderful life he gave his children and the beautiful memories he left behind in his only daughter. Thank you Daddy.

The greatest gift I ever had came from God.
I call him Dad.
Copyright © Sharon C. Matthies, Meanderings Blogging The Journey,  2012. All rights reserved.
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About Sharon

I love to write. I love to write myself into being right here right now. Writing releases something in me that needs wings, writing opens doors and windows that I often don't even realize are possible, writing helps me breathe out the dusty old, and to breathe in the new and possible. My hope is that maybe writing here in this blog will bring new light into these dusty old hallways and help me to clear out the thinking processes and mindsets that just don't work for me anymore. I seek to breathe new light and life into the nooks and crannies of a soul that has been feeling somewhat lost and frayed because of the last few patches of road I've had to travel.
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4 Responses to Father’s Day Jottings

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is beautiful, Sharon. I have very mixed feelings about my father and they go deep. They are however truly and really and deeply a mixture of bad and good memories. I enjoyed reading your blog about your dad. I am happy that you have such wonderful memories! Happy for you and your father!Thank you for sharingIva

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  2. Ruth says:

    Great post, Sharon! You are so fortunate to have good memories of your Dad; so many don't. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Eagle Heart says:

    Thank you Iva and Ruth. I was very blessed to have such a good father who left us with happy memories. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized how lucky we were. And it wasn't until after my Dad died that I became friends with many other women whose experiences with their own fathers were very different and not so happy. So I never thanked my Dad enough…but I think that wherever he is, he knows my heart and my gratitude.

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  4. Anonymous says:

    I think the most important gift a father can give his child is love. I knew my father loved me very much. He didn't have much time for me, he wasn't the bbq type of Dad. But he taught me chess. He taught me discipline, and the value of education. I love the way you spill your heart out Sharon. I felt with you. Thank you.Angelika

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